What is a happy ending?

Three times today the phrase "happy endings" came up in conversation.  And I watched the show "Happy Endings" tonight.  It really started to make me think why we're so obsessed with happy endings.  I've always admired books (yes, I do read) and movies that don't have the happy ending just because its such a shock to us.  I imagine the average person likes books and movies that end with the princess marrying the prince, or the geeky guy getting the girl, or the hero saves the city or the kingdom or the town or the maiden in distress or the cat that got stuck in a tree.  I also thought, our lives do not usually end happily.  So What is a happy ending?

When I think of a happy ending, I think of the American Dream and having that great house where all the good schools are, in the neighborhood where everyone knows everyone and our incredibly young-looking and radiant moms get together every week to talk about the new hot plumber man who just moved in across the street...wait, that's the plot of "Desperate Housewives."  Anyway back to the dream...we want everything to be our version of perfect.  That dream is more than just a destination, it's a journey.  I take this out of Ellen DeGeneres' last book, Seriously...I'm Kidding, "Happiness is not a destination, it's a journey."  Ok so I basically just copied that and replaced happiness with dream, but you get my point.  We work and work and work so we can  reach the dream, but its not something we can reach apparently.  We can see it in our minds, and we feel like we know how to get there.  But when we do all that work we think we know will work, somehow our happy ending is still just a little longer than an arm's reach away.

When you really think about it, most people's lives don't end happily.  How many people do you know who died with a big smile on their face?  No?  Well that would be a perfect example of a happy ending.  How about someone who valiantly helped a group of lost chipmunks find their way back into the forest?  No?  Just another amazing example of what a real "happy ending" would look like.  Who dies the most?  Old people.  What makes old people happy?  If we apply this rule to how old people have been dying these days, we could assume that old people love sleeping.  Many old people die in their sleep.  And many young people hope to one day die in their sleep.  What's the fun in that?  I want to die some exciting way like...in my sleep.  No, but seriously who thinks dying in their sleep is fun and would make you happy?  They say sleep is peaceful.  But is peaceful always fun?  It was peaceful at work today and I hated it.

Why are we always trying to make a happy ending for ourselves?  Is it a clever scheme to make endings a good thing?  Here's a story:

One day I went to see a political movie featuring an actor who we always see in political movies and also stars in a trio of movies about robbing casinos.  It was weird at first, and then it got kind of good.  Then I was really bored and earnestly wished it would be over.  Finally, when it ended, I was happy.

In this story, the end was happy.  However, if I for some reason fail to mention the part where I was happy when it ended, people would say something like "Oh, that sucks!" or, "I'm sorry dude."  This made me realize that if we tell a story without also telling the part where the end made us happy, I just completely lost my train of thought.  Moving on...

The point of this is to encourage you to make your happy endings short term.  Make the end of this day a happy one.  Do something simple, but fun.  Go look at one of those funny websites or look up stupid videos on YouTube.  Jump on your bed (carefully) or go roll someone's house!  Don't do things that hopefully lead up to a happy ending, make your ending happy on purpose.  Say to yourself, "oh, it's the end of the day, but before I go to bed...LET'S GO STREAKING THROUGH THE HOUSE!!" (Obviously this scenario can only work if you are a young couple with no kids or an old couple who's kids have all moved out.)  Wouldn't that be a happy ending!  Maybe not for the neighbors who, to their great misfortune, chose enormous windows for their remodelling, but for you - pure naked* happiness!

*the word naked in this sentence is meant to mean simple

Why do we crave speed?

I was sitting at my desk at the bank today.  It was a slow day - didn't have too many customers.  I was bored so I got on the internet to see what was going on at CNN.com.  I had been told I have the second slowest computer in the branch so I already knew it wouldn't pop right up.  But after waiting probably 20 seconds, I got extremely angry inside, like I wanted to throw the whole computer out the drive through window.  After I calmed myself down, that whole situation made me think...why do we crave speed everywhere?

Back in the 90s when we had dial up internet, we were used to the slow.  But it seemed fast because we had never used the internet before.  Companies are always trying to come up with new ways for us to do things faster.  4G, cars, internet, everything.  And the worst part of all these new fast things is that we as a generation now expect everything to be fast.  We believe it is our right as humans to not have to wait more than 5 minutes at the grocery store.  It is incomprehensible to us that it might take a little time for a light to turn green.  Why is it that everything must be speedy?  Are our days so full that we can't spare a couple extra minutes waiting for our coffee in the morning?  We think "well why does he get his order first when I got here first?"  Well maybe its because your order is so complicated that it took them EXTRA time to make it!

There's a thought.  Complicated things take more time.  Any of you know how to program the internet?  Didn't think so.  Why not?  Because it's complicated.  Do we know how to do all the things we ask our waiters and waitresses to do for us when we eat?  I'm guessing not.  So do we know how much time it will take to write our complicated orders down and explain to the cook exactly how we want them made?  Probably not.  Who doesn't enjoy a nice long meal?  I definitely do!  In a hurry?  Then why did you come to a restaurant to eat?  Maybe we should all get ADD so when things are loading our minds can wander.  But just a few seconds too long and its the end of the world.  W missed the beginning of the game.  We missed the first episode.  We didn't get the great seats.  Big deal!  We have metal tubes that fly us across the world and we're frustrated because the amazing technology of the internet that very experienced experts spend years researching to be able to put on our small devices that let us talk to virtually anyone in the world like they're right next to us wouldn't load IMMEDIATELY.

What are we thinking?  Why does everything have to happen now?  Think of it like this.  If food doesn't take the time to cook, it's not good, right?  If we can apply that thought process to our everyday lives, think of how much more relaxed and happy we can be thinking, the longer it takes, the better it will be.  You're thinking, "well that doesn't apply to waiting in line for something."  You're right, it doesn't.  But it's not as if there's nothing to do while you wait.  Why do we have to say we were waiting?  Why can't we say "I read an interesting magazine and then the doctor called me in."  That sounds like a pleasant hour don't you think?  Nothing like this one, "I waited for a WHOLE FREAKING HOUR and then the stupid doctor decides it's FINALLY my turn."  Your day doesn't have to be that bad or boring.

Wake up people.  Its 2011 and we can pretty much do anything we want on our phones.  Yes, it may take time, but you are about 1000% smarter than someone who doesn't have a phone, just because you have a phone.  50 years ago, there was no Starbucks.  People took the TIME to make coffee on their own.  They got it all ready and WAITED for it to be made.  I'm no coffee expert but I'm betting it tastes a whole lot better now that it did then.  So let me ask you...are you spending your time waiting, or doing something fun until something else happens?

Why do we drink?

This is my first post on my newest blog.  After being alone in this house for almost a week I've realized how much I need to see people to continue to function normally.  I see my coworkers at the bank but that isn't enough to get my friendly juices flowing.  I can't tell you how many times I've thought about doing something completely crazy and out of character just because I hadn't talked to anyone but the dogs.  I even thought about getting belligerently drunk but then I remembered what my dad said about how sad it is when people drink alone.  He was right.  It is sad.  I ended up not doing it but it brought me to my first simple question.  Why do we drink?

During high school I only drank a grand total of about 4 times.  Two of those times were with my parents so that doesn't even count.  The other two times were at parties and I was bored so I drank.  I didn't get drunk but I thought, "hey, what's wrong with a few sips of this disgusting low grade beer?"  Nothing exciting happened as a result of this "light drinking."  Not for me at least.

I'm pretty sure not everyone LOVES cake.  I know - crazy right?  Cake is so moist and delicious and covered in sugar and icing and whatever other fatty extras people throw on there.  How could anyone not like it?  Through this assumption I also assume not everyone loves beer.  Statistics say that 90% of high school students have tried alcohol.  This means 20% didn't.  In my high school experience, there were more than 20% of high school kids that were NOT partiers.  According to those stats, all the partiers and some others drank in high school.  I'm 21 now so I've had some drinks.  But teenage drinkers are limited pretty much to one drink: beer.  Personally, I'm not a fan of beer.  Even if all the cool kids were drinking it and everyone was telling me I should drink it, I don't think I would.  I'm an average person so I feel comfortable saying that not every teenager likes beer.

This is really cliche but if everyone were jumping off a bridge would you do it too?  If everyone cool decided it was ok to eat...glass...would you do that?  But people do it anyway.  Because of this disease called peer pressure.  When I was little I thought peer pressure was me holding a beer and standing in the middle of a large group of people while they all chanted, "Drink! Drink! Drink!"  Obviously that's not what peer pressure is but sometimes it can feel that way.  8-9% of these "drinkers" aren't even drunk.  They just pretend to be to get attention from the people that actually are drunk and therefore don't even notice or comprehend this fake promiscuity.

But wait!  Why would they fake being drunk?  Maybe because they don't want to drink?  Why wouldn't they want to drink?  Maybe because they don't like it.  Bingo!  I've seen people bear to take a few sips to instill the illusion...but I know for a fact that four or five sips of beer won't get a person drunk.  All this just reminds me how stupid we are as a group.  "Hey let's pretend to do something we don't like so people will like us!"

Sound familiar?  Yes.  Why?  Because that has turned into a daily action.  It's not just about drinking anymore.  We're changing ourselves for other people which totally negates the whole individual thing.  It's making us all the same.  You think "hey people aren't all the same when they're drunk!"  Actually yes, they are.  Drinking puts a very wide variety of people into 4 very distinguishable categories.  Happy, sad, horny, and disturbed.

It's sad really.  How we get drunk so people will notice us, or be with us, or so we'll feel different.  But in reality it makes us all the same.  Drinking eliminates the very thing we're hoping to become by drinking: different.